"... and it will not be taken from her"

This summer was to be my 10 Year High School Reunion. And then COVID-19 reshaped our world, and I didn’t mind so much that any theoretical plans to reunite with people that, for the most part, I haven’t spoken to in a decade, were canceled. 

I remember my graduation pretty vividly. I didn’t even want to go because I had lost most of my friends to a falling out earlier in the year, and couldn’t stand the majority of my classmates. But my dress showed up at my door late Thursday afternoon, so I felt obligated to show up.

I remember being so ready to get out of there. To go to University, play post-secondary volleyball, fall in love - show everyone how successful I was going to be. I imagined walking into that 10-year reunion on the arm of a tall, handsome man with a Bachelor’s degree under my belt, a swanky title on my business card, and a record-breaking career in the ACAC (Alberta Colleges Athletic Association). I might have even gone on to the big league of CIS - Canadian Interuniversity Sports - the highest post-secondary league in the nation.

In reality, I accomplished none of those things except the degree, and even that was only done by the skin of my teeth and the compassion of some very kind professors. 

The fantasy of walking into that reunion quickly turned into a nightmare as each year passed and I felt further and further away from that dream. I only played a single, extremely terrible year of volleyball where we did not win a single game, never had a boyfriend, and have jumped around from part-time this to temporary that. I became frustrated, angry, and bitter about my reality. There was nothing that I could point to and say “Look, I am important!” There was no way to silence the haters in my mind, and as I routinely imagined that fateful day in which I would show up to my high school reunion empty-handed and alone, I would feel sick to my stomach. 

So, when I got a call last August asking me to fill in as the Athletic Services Coordinator at my alma mater, I jumped on it. In less than a week, I packed my car and drove the 330 km to Camrose to move into my friend’s basement. Finally, this was something that I could point at and say, “Look, I’m important!”

The hope, those first few weeks, was that my hard work would show that the department needed another staff member to handle the workload, and a full-time, permanent position would be offered to me for the following school year. That hope got me through the first very busy and very stressful six weeks.

As the end of my 10-week contract drew near, I started to worry about what I was going to do next. The department was under review, so any permanent staffing changes were not going to happen until it was complete, sometime in the new year. So here I was, in the middle of October, facing joblessness yet again. Do I look for a job back home in Cochrane or Calgary? Do I find something different within the university? Do I wait it out? The RCMP is always hiring - do I give it a shot?

Finally, over Thanksgiving weekend, I got the call saying that I had a contract extension until the end of December, though there were no hours guaranteed after the regular season paused at the end of November. For me, that was enough. Until a few weeks later, I found myself in a disturbingly familiar spiral, which saw me seriously considering the RCMP in mid-November, taking aptitude and personality tests to find out if it would be a good fit for me.

At this point, I kept telling myself that if I could just land one more extension to the end of the school year, it would be a good sign that they were considering keeping me on in a full-time, permanent capacity. 

When I finally got the email from my boss confirming my second extension had been approved, I was ecstatic! I rented a suite on campus and moved out of my friend's basement. I was that much closer to what I wanted, and began to dream of putting down roots, finally. This was turning into what I’d always wanted - something that I could be proud to show off at the impending high school reunion. Something that I could point at and say, “Look, I’m important!"

But pride always comes before the fall.

I had put all my hope in this contract extension, and what it could potentially lead to in the long term. I thought that as soon as I signed the paperwork, everything would change. I would finally feel secure. stable. confident. worthy. important.

Instead, after my boss walked out of my office, it took roughly three heartbeats until I started to worry about what I was going to do in the event my contract ended and there was nothing for me afterward. Should I keep my eye open for jobs in Cochrane and Calgary? Should I apply for this other position at the university? Do I try this practice RCMP exam and check out one of their career information nights in the city the next week?

Then I started to laugh.

Hysterically.

I had put so much hope on this contract extension, I honestly thought it was going to solve all of my problems, but all it did was put them off for a bit.

It was then that it dawned on me, finally, what it means to have our hope in Christ alone.

All things will come and go - jobs, friends, communities, hobbies, homes. 

Temporary work contracts.

But something that will never leave me is the hope and peace that I find in Jesus. 

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A couple of weeks later, after much prayer and struggling with my reality,  I poured my heart out to our Father, and I was reminded of the story of Mary and Martha. I read Luke 10:38-42 with the inspiration of Holy Spirit to guide my mind and my heart and read it as if for the very first time. 

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!'

'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"

It’s a story that many are familiar with. Some people even nickname friends or family members “Martha” if they tend to focus on making sure that their homes are "just right”. That night when I read it while resting in the heart of God, a deeper layer was revealed to me.

Mary and Martha most likely lived in a one- or two-room house. Dozens of people would have filled their humble abode to listen to this radical teacher. As the hosts, there was a significant burden of responsibility upon these two women. They would have been obligated to see to their guests every need, from foot-washing to feeding, as prescribed by their culture.

Martha’s frustration is understandable - there were a lot of feet to wash, mouths to feed, and she only had her own to hands working on the task. Even Jesus does not condemn her desire to fulfill her role as a good host. 

In verse 40, we read “But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made” (emphasis mine).

Martha wasn’t guilty of being an overbearing sister or a fanatical housekeeper. However, she was guilty of being so wrapped up in what this world expected of her as the host, that she missed the Lord of Hosts, the Prince of Peace, teaching in the next room.

While Martha was “worried and upset about many things” (v. 41), Jesus, in his gentle and loving manner, guided her to the truth: though her concerns were understandable, they were not to take priority in her life. The most important thing in the whole world that cannot and will not ever be taken from us, is our relationship with Jesus. 

Jesus in his infinite wisdom and grace reminded Martha that this world is temporary. Important, but not our forever home. 

Reading the passage, I prayed, “Father, I have been so distracted by the lies and standards of this world. I’ve been so wrapped up in how I think others will judge me that I’ve missed the call to simply sit at your feet and learn.”

This is what I wrote down as God responded:

“This cannot be taken from you. This intimacy, this relationship, is eternal. It began when you were called into the Kingdom and will never end. People, jobs, money, crushes, hobbies, dreams - they will come and go. They are the spice of life that I gift to you, but they are not the focus of your story, your life. I am. I AM. Everlasting, Alpha & Omega, Beginning & End. Without End. Dive into the depths of my love - it will never disappoint or run dry."

Every time I read this promise, my heart is softened more, and more, and more. I am reminded of His goodness, and how His mercy is made new each morning. How He first loved me and chose me before the world began, and He is madly in love with me.

It’s been a few months, and I find myself often recalling that night, and re-living the revelation of the Holy Spirit. It was such a beautiful moment between me and the Father in which His Word came alive before my very eyes. I am constantly being drawn back to the story of Mary and Martha and using it as a mirror to check my heart.

Am I anxious because I am worried about what others may think about me? 

Am I striving for perfection?

Am I missing out on what Jesus wants to show me because I am so wrapped up in my own concerns?

Am I constantly waiting at the feet of Jesus? Or am I trying to create the ‘perfect’ environment first?

Can what I am doing and/or worrying about be taken from me? If so, is it worth my time? Or am I pursuing it for the wrong reasons?

There are so many things that God is revealing to me through this well-known story that I never would have seen if I had not been willing to be 100% vulnerable with God. I know that as I learn to leave behind the things that I think should be done, and exchange for what I know is best for me, I will find my heart more and more like Jesus’.  In this time of uncertainty, there is a lot of “should” dos, “but few things are needed - or indeed only one” - to abide in Jesus, and seek his presence. 

It’s easier said than done, but oh so worth the effort.  Will you join me?

With love,

-S

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